I also want to highlight non-racial aspects I find in women physically, mentally and emotionally. Remember these aren't must haves so much as general preferences.
Intelligence (whether organic or academic)
Eclecticism (I'm a geek, I like when women respect, appreciate or complement that)
Motivated (Whether it's a drive to change themselves, others or the world, it is sexy)
Charismatic (Women who can charm not only me, but a room are a joy to be around)
Confidence (Being a no holds barred lady is inspiring to me, because men can be awful)
Devoted to a non-religious cause (hence why someone supporting the current protests, strongly appeals to me)
Height (The taller the better)
Muscular (first time full on admitting that) or strong bodies
And because I have no non-chauvinistic word for it, Voluptuous
I think my previous post and my History of Women and Me post can complement this discussion well since both allude to parts of this discussion, especially the History post. Growing up in San Diego as a child of mixed heritage (father, black - moved to California for military, mother, Portuguese-essentially European white or Latin -moved to California due to the budding Portuguese population and colleges), I found myself encountering and getting along with a myriad of racial backgrounds. Being a military city, San Diego lends itself to a wide variety of racial heritages that I was exposed to early on (elementary had Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Taiwanese, Black, white, Russian, Indian, and Persian students). At the same time, white was the predominant racial background of every classroom I was in until after college - so yes my entire life I befriended, dated, and encountered more white women than any other racial group of women. Mind you, as San Diego is diverse, I would say a secondary group would be women of mixed heritage and they are the women I tend to date the most (perhaps because I too am mixed - makes sense for natural or subconscious bonding).
Still, due to this upbringing most of my friends and women I was interested were white (it was all I knew). This is to the point where I dated or was intimate with a white lady in elementary, middle and the early part of high school. Of course, this ended with me dating a great biracial lady, whom many of you know my story of, up until college. It's fun to also note that in San Diego, most white women never commented on my race which will be more progressive than my future experiences as you will see.
College would begin and ebb and flow on exposure to even more people of different racial backgrounds (USC in LA is arguably one of the most diverse colleges in the world and I encountered so many walks of life); however, USC is also primarily white so again the exposure was there. And so I dated and spent intimate with predominately white women, one of whom is another great person who several of you know. Furthermore, I'd say I probably was attracted to more white women in college than before, but then again most of my college thought process was about short term moments. During this time, many of the white women I encountered fit my physical preferences (A 6'1 lady and a 6'5 lady I knew or some muscular women). I would also encounter older women more frequently here (an aspect that always seems to be with me) and I would encounter but not fully connect with some black older women from the alternative lifestyle. I don't think I was fetishized here and was open-minded as well, because college was a very level playing field for most of us being around the same, intelligence and health. However, I was very much that black guy you could trust due to my slight preppiness that linked
Then came Teach for America in Houston which again brought another ebb and flow of white women to black women. I dated my shortest lady ever who was 4'8 quirky white woman after dating a near 6'0 wonderful black woman. Houston was a lot of jumping from white to black woman and back again. I think in nearly every moment I would go back and forth. I think this would also be the last time before black people truly judged me for being my own person, finding my geekiness and California boy swagger off-putting. As I spent more time in the South I understood it, but I still thought it was close minded. This was also when older white women fetishized me heavily as chocolate, glorious dark boy and so much more...which I now see as a wave of micro-agressions to see as something that is only powerful and sexual rather than gentle and intelligent.
All of this would change when I got to Atlanta, where I found black women who fit every preference I had ever had, not that previous black women hadn't, but literally it was less of rarity and more the norm in Atlanta. I also found so many different black people who accepted me for me, idiosyncrasies and all. It was refreshing, encouraging and supported all the Toni Morrison, Ralph Ellison, and other literature I had read. To see black people running everything, helping each other, working at every level in every job (sushi maker, finance, teaching, auto repair, restauranteur, professor and more) was so remarkable that it changed my disposition on life. Now I've told you pieces of my racial history so you can imagine what this felt like for me. Along with this, Trayvon Martin's case sparked the racial protests we are currently having which also sparked me speaking my mind about years of being seeing as basically OJ Simpson or Will Smith, the black guy (because my Portuguese is fairly hidden to the point where I'm nearly Brazilian) white people could trust. It came harsh for me and almost was too militant from me but it really defined who my friends were. Beyond that, I met some of the best black women in the world in Atlanta and primarily only dated black women even when going back to California (I think I only spent intimate time with one white woman). I found several women who would appreciate me in a way that was not only never about race, but strengthened my race.
Due to all of this when I hit NYC, I had a mindset of a black family and black children for days. Now, of course I realize that no matter what my children will be mixed and that many of friends in interracial relationships will have beautiful children period. NYC was as diverse as California, but it did have some intriguing extremes since it was one of the older parts of America. As I would encounter white people of very old money and black people who had been cultural revolutionaries in Brooklyn, the Bronx and Harlem. However, my mindset was set on who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Atlanta had motivated me to seek out black women that fit my preferences since we connected more than nearly everyone but maybe biracial women (which I did encounter one in the early dating days of NYC) or that one black/portuguese woman I met haha. What I have found since being here is several strong white women (only got intimate with one that fit most of my physical criteria to a tee, but we had that age gap), a black woman who was a whirlwind and we'll leave it at that, and a myriad of black women who have been alarmingly difficult to understand. That I attach more to NYC, but still I have my preferences solidified now.
White women are not inferior at all, as you can see I'm well versed/have dated several of them. However, black women fit my preference more and I'm interested in how many more white women take offense to this than any black women (who have been approving) I know. Women of other races have been impartial far as I can tell, but I do find a discussion I had with a friend intriguing in how she wonders if many people think that being biracial I would always be into both or similar to my dad (though my parents love is so organic that no factors played into that but love). To those that prefer white women or simply are with a white lady, that is fine by me and in the reverse to in terms of white men. Once again though, we love who we love and I LOVE Black Women. Why? Possibly empathy on a racial level which you can't ignore in a society still filled with racism. While I cannot emphasize with being a woman as all of you are amazingly for enduring mens' destructive natures, I still have a stronger connection with biracial(with a half or large amount of their heritage being black) or black women in my experience than others. Beyond that, I think years of ignorance, being told I can't, racism, micro-aggressions, friends who were really not for me, and a vast amount of experiences & statistical information have made me seek out black women who fit my preferences. Also, I'm curious as to what other black men think. Let me love who I love and you love who you love.
History of Women article for easy access found here: