A Year of Being Single

It has been a busy December, finals, Atlanta, Baltimore, Birthdays, and traveling around the world to Colombia and Panama. The latter two will come in another travelblog post later on; however, what I wanted to highlight is this year of being single. Yes, I've been single for a longer time and I've been single for a shorter time, but I have never been single on purpose until this year. As such, it has been a year that has been filled with self-help and self-awareness.

To begin, I broke up with an ex right before heading into the holidays because it was definitely the best choice of action.  My breakup was quite different than others, but considering who I broke up with I really wanted to figure out what was up with my consistent fallouts in relationships.  Over the holidays, I would begin to analyze my commitmentphobia (which later led me to learning that I have mild anxiety in certain situations - clothes' shopping being one of them) and how my parents, grandparents and relatives had such strong relationships.  It was great to finally get some new opinions on several situations. The best takeaways were that people disagree, nobody is perfect, you have to compromise, and you can even go in and out of being with someone. As such, I gleaned that I should continue with self-help and continue to improve myself.

The beginning of 2015, would lead me to having a variety of dates through match.com, one through pof (that site is a bit absurd if you ask me), one through blackpeoplemeet, and okcupid flexed itself again for a little. However, the bulk of the online dating would be through match.com and I had a good time meeting a variety of women who did or didn't really work for me, especially since I was more focused - religion and me didn't really mix, height was definitely a factor, and by the end I realized I wanted to simply try offline dating.  While at the very beginning (January) my ex tried to win me back, it was to no avail, but it did end up ruining my bond with the best person I dated during that time. A Trinidadian lady who absolutely near perfect for me until the ex disrupted and we tried again then fizzled out for reasons unknown to me overall (but the initial breakup was probably the cause). During this time, I would only meet one intriguing person offline, a wonderful Haitian lady who I ruined my chances with because of chances with the Trinidadian girl. Obviously, the juggling was tough for me and not my best skill.

During this time, I would also continue the self-help books: The Slight Edge (which helps me wake up positive due to compounding positivity), The Four Agreements (simple, but effective ideas that can be applied with little effort), The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (One of the best at helping me become more self-aware and better with conversations - understanding before being understood, I still slip, but it's constant work to improve), and of course a personal book in order to help with an addiction (feel free to ask me directly if you wish to know). Through reading all of these, not only did I realize I wasn't ready for a relationship, but that I should never have been in one in the first place until I learned all of this information about myself. 

The second half of the year would be different, joining a new travel group (Nomadness Tribe, since I haven't put them in the blog yet) would bring in new people and in particular new women.  Now, I would also begin to truly transition out of a few other parts of my life and some even left me. At the same time, Tribe, offered new chances to date people who I could meet offline. If we're being honest I have at least went on a date with one person in the travel group.  However, the people in the group can sometimes forget their travel and get into intriguing friendships/relationships and hook-ups, but hey we're all adults.  As such, Tribe would bring me to meet Black women I should've met years ago who valued me as a person (Black men as friends would appear here for the first time ever if you've been keeping up with the rest of my blogs on racial identity). The main reason for this was that 1. It was a Black travel group, 2. Many of the women were open-minded to being in the mood for travels and 3. There were women like this in my life all along, but I was just too inane to notice them.

Overall, the year has been filled with several books to help my mind, heart and soul.  It has been filled with conversations (with a bunch of Caribbean Women - love you!) on what exactly works for me in relationships, in terms of intimacy and otherwise.  As a side note, the coworkers have been helpful on this front, due to them being extremely diverse and able to relate to me, but away from my social media so not in the know enough to change my perceptions with non-work friends.  All of these factors have combined to improve how my life and relationships will pan out for 2016. I'm not entirely sure where it's headed, but I'm ready to date now (due to massive improvement and maturity with my mind) and while that sounds cliched, I'm able to work out my life with someone now.