What I Seek and What I Bring

Welcome to my website! Also shout out to you for finding the new blog post. 

Anyways, my life has continued to transform as I have become more self aware in all that I am doing. As such, besides impacting career ideas in the future with this website, it has impacted the ways in which I view my relationships with family, friends and women. I remember about eight months ago or I posted an article saying that I knew I wasn't ready for someone.  This was true because I had yet to run my course at the beginning of this year or take off on a trip to Southeast Asia (one more day!). I now realize that there is no such concept as ready. You either want someone or you do not and you adapt accordingly. I've had a lot ideas that I would never do this or never do that if I settled down which has been ludicrous thinking. What I have found to be much truer is the ways in which I am to be honest about what I want and who I want and who I am.

Without further I do here's what I'm looking for and then here are my flaws - what I bring.

Height - It is a known fact that I love tall women. I have spoken this out enough to make it so. I am about 5'11, but I am all about women who are 5'8 or taller. To be honest the taller the better, women 6'0 and over will have me 100% committed to them. The only exceptions I've made for height is muscle, but that's for the next post. Still, I have zero complexes about women being taller than me, so wear those heels and don't be mortified I will make your life meaningful. On the opposite end, I tend to not be as interested in short women so it is much harder to keep my attention.

Body - Yes I know - how dare you comment on a woman's body! I'm stating my preferences because they are not the norm. I love muscular/fitness women, I always have since the days of American Gladiator that is what can get me to go lenient on my ethnic preferences or height preferences because of how much I love it. Beyond that women with healthy/proportioned curves are always nice, but I've known to be interested in slim women. The height over body here except for muscle. Note that these come before the mind because unless I know your writing from social media how am I supposed to know the depths of your mind when I see you. Physical is the first attraction.

Ethnicity - Black women - I don't think I need to go on this one again, there's a blog and a lot of commentary for it.

Intelligence - I love intelligent women. It is both attractive and refreshing if I have to keep up with you because you're so much smarter than me. Furthermore, having conversations that go into depths without explaining what words or thematic concepts mean is one of the most stimulating ways to converse. It also shows how great you can communicate with other people and friends to grow our team of two as we challenge everyone.

Motivation/Hustle - This is a recent discovery, but an important one. This is also why I generally have a preference for women with college degrees. It shows not only a sense of hustle, but also accomplishment. As such, women who have their own companies, solid jobs, or are completing a degree are the most attractive to me. If you're on, near or above my level for work flow then that is the sexiest as my own mother was always the boss in the income and work flow department.

Non-Religious - Again another aspect I've talked in depth. Have your spirituality, but do not take me to any religious site on a weekly basis and if we have a child let the child choose through an exploration of religions. I enjoy spirituality, but organized religion and becoming a zealot don't work. Intelligence would say that you understand concepts of science and history in how they apply to evolution and space exploration.

Open-Relationships-Recent, but important discovery of mine. I should most likely be in an open relationship, yes I'm saying that out loud due to the facets of my sexuality and that I have no problem with my partner exploring and enjoying herself either. I am not keeping us locked away and my intimacy comes from time spent together rather than sex itself. I'm not some crazed guy, but once in awhile or a party then I find it acceptable as there are guidelines that can be discussed while love can still be shared between us. This probably requires its own post, but it is hard to define to brand new dates as you can't possibly know from the onset.

Dominance - As with the intelligence, height, body and motivation, I enjoy a go getter women who gets everything done in her life that she needs to. I have also discovered that I am no doormat either, but I enjoy a woman who balances with me in everyday life as she gets what she needs to get done while helping guide many of the motivations I have. The team of two that challenges everyone. On a different note, in the bedroom she's in charge.

What I bring - here are my flaws. I'm working on them all the time, but it's only fair if I state what I like I state what I need to work on.

Anxiety - This causes a great deal of my issues with commitments to the job, friends and to lovers. I often get anxious in my decisions because I think they are going to destroy my world, but they are not and you learn to live with it. I've been doing this 28 years and I'm doing alright. Thus, I realize that I need to accept the inevitable and learn to work with it. I finished reading a great book about stopping worry and starting to live. It is still a process, but know that it is not you and I need help with logic sometimes.

Height/Body - I take care of myself with fairly healthy eating and going to the gym. I have a decent face, but I'm not 6'0 (though my shoes would tell you otherwise) and the hair on my body can be up for debate as sometimes people don't like it, but removing it can be costly. This is different than the hair on top of my head which I can tell I will lose soon. Whether that's from a chemical a couple years ago or my mom's genetics I'm not sure, but I think about it. My skin also has a ton of marks on it so it may not be the sexy smooth you enjoy. Note the lack of height doesn't mean I can't protect you though.

Pride - This is one that is harder to recognize in the moment, but definitely something I realize after the fact. I have a pride that verges almost on arrogance as I like to win (a big realization in me not being a doormat) and life has been pretty good to me. While this works for acquiring jobs, accomplishing tasks and growing money, this is terrible in a relationship or friendship as it is frustrating to not acknowledge someone's view point or not agree to disagree or find compromise. This is something I need help in the moment for. Never fear to keep me in check, I'll get defensive at first, but work with it until I get that you're right or we have compromise in some form.

Career Moves - Stability and careers is difficult especially with my professions evolving nature as of late. I'm also gearing myself up for eventually having independence which can be rocky for income and a stable home. To be honest I'm even ok leaving NYC and will most likely not be making the Ph.D happen. However, I have the motivation and intelligence to never simply sit and be lazy. The next couple years may not be consistent, but hey I'm almost 30 and if I need to I'll have a certification that will put me back in a stable job. As such, let's allow for experimentation and accept that change is inevitable.

Communication - Still a push for me. I'm not the best at calling people on the phone, but I know that will have to change for work. I'm not sure what it is as my dad has it too. I prefer text/email or in person. In person, I can dedicate myself entirely to you, while texting and emails I can multitask quickly while a phone call is somewhere in between that either hampers the time I give you or the time I give a task. I will work on making scheduled calls as that anticipation helps me prepare to be focused on the call. Don't be surprised if it takes me awhile to get into a routine with you on this, but I hope I can get better at the focus.

Sexuality - Again probably needs another blog as I finally begin to write about this again, but I was around someone who recently said it's intimidating. My research and knowledge on the topic throws off a lot of people who may not be as comfortable about it as others. It is a facet of me and one that I hope to share with my partner in crime, but I know it is not the easiest to understand and work with. However, I'm always open for questions and will be honest in who I am in this. Whether you think this is disrespectful to you or not is up to you.

Children - Not so much a flaw, but something to note. I want children and I would like them to be traditional. Now if one of us turns out to be sterile or unable to have them then we will work with that. However, from the onset that's why age is somewhat of a concern (lessening) and why I don't want someone who already has children. I have no judgment on what you do with your life, but I have been taking care of other people's children for nine years now and would like my own for my own home. Now if in 12 years I'm still single at 40 I'll be far more accepting of women with children already and adoption. 

In the end, I've gotten more flexible on age; if you're young be competent and secure enough to be impressive and not rely on me for stability, if you're older be ok with me wanting to have children still and me probably outliving you.  Beyond that, this is who I am. Everything laid out. Take it or leave it, we will see what SE Asia brings, but I'm no longer going to be wasting people's time who don't fit this as I am straight honest what that situation will be. If you fit or are near my type I'm going to work on those flaws for you in order to grow together.