My Wonderful Friend Sadie/Sarah Hawkins

I don’t even know how to begin this blog post because writing feels like I accept that one of the best people and friends I have ever known is gone. The how is also the roughest part because she was murdered near her home by someone she knew. So in essence it is a Black woman harmed by a white man/person. While that devastation leaves me with tons of anger, it’s the other emotions that overtake it. There are strange moments of sadness and confusion but my mind also tries to go back and remember my last joyous video conversation with her.


The reason for that is that it was nearly three hours of conversation spanning our entire lives where we had gone and our plans for NYC these holidays.

The conversation went from our small origins in Atlanta nearly 12/13 years ago when I visited her while I was in college after a midterm or final. We had a lot of discussion before the visit but then we enjoyed each other’s auras and had a great time immensely. She put me onto to the wonder that is Atlanta - I lived there after a year there due to her introduction, Janelle Monae, hood joints with the best food and more.

We then would see other at different kink events called DomCons in both in LA or Atlanta. Sometimes we would have our fun, other times we would simply chill. Honestly, most of the time we would just chill, discuss Blackness and how it mattered in kink and in life. We learned a lot about each other on a personal level with our supports of education, women, Blackness, diversity, queer support, travel and hip-hop.

Later, she would visit me in NYC and we were excited to have her visit again as we discussed what was happening in NYC from our mutual friend with the amazing Black widow spider tattoo to Kwanzaa in Harlem.

I knew Sadie/Sarah for about thirteen years. I saw her budding moments in Atlanta, her lows when she struggled in California, her visits to the East Coast, her foundations in Phoenix and her highs of all the lives she touched in between. My friend was a force a Black feminism but also joy that was infectious to be around. I miss her so much because she was one of my closest friends that I truly would be hurt over. It’s sad that I don’t have a solid picture with her but I know she knows I love her and she is watching me with support & gratitude for our time spent together.

Life is a precious thing and loss can hurt deeper than a pain I’ve ever known, but she would’ve wanted me to keep on doing what I love and continue to honor her by supporting Black women and the wonderful lives they lead whether they’re sex workers, educators, mothers, sisters, daughters, leaders, support systems and everything else. I love you Sadie, Sankofa my beautiful friend, Sankofa.